Holy hell son, you're about as useful as a cock flavored lollipop!.Just remember the five D's of dodgeball: Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and.If you can dodge traffic, you can dodge a ball!.If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball! Any other questions? That's what this sack of wrenches is for.I ain't crazy, and I ain't a guy! I'm Patches O'Houlihan, and I'm your new coach.Which makes her the deadliest woman on Earth with a dodgeball. In her home country of Romanovia, dodgeball is the national sport and her team, the Nuclear Power Plants, won the championship, 5 years running. And our newest member, meet Fran Stalinoskovitchdadavidovichsky.

You can't be my boss! Nobody's my boss! I'm my own boss! I created myself.

Peter La Fleur, La Fleur! The flower, that's French for kiss my ass! Oh man, the Pizza Bagels are burning again. Brilliant plan, too bad it doesn't make any sense.

I'm Peter LaFleur, I'm gonna take all the money you bribed me and bet on myself at 50:1 that I'm gonna buy out your company.

I get it, you've caught the scent of a lesser stag in your nostrils.

Oh my God, we never even won a regional qualifying match - oh yeah, now I remember!.

In 30 days I'll be bulldozing that shit heap you call a gym into permanent nothingness, And I can only hope that you, and the mongrel Race that comprise your membership are inside it when I do.

I've got some great news, you're fired! Yeh, I told the bank you were stealing and drinking on the job, and they bought it! Can you believe it?!.

What? You like it it those freaks in loser town? Ha, ha, people just like you and me? That's what I love about you Kate, you've got a personality!.

You and your lovable band of losers have already lost!.

We're sweating like grease monkeys out here, I can't hold onto a ball!.

You're going down, La Fleur! You're going down like a sweet muffin!.

We are the Globo Gym Purple Cobras, and we will, we will, rock you!.

I know you, you know you, and I know you know that I know you.

But I can assure you, something gets lost in the translation.

I don't know if you've ever seen a hundred thousand dollars before, except perhaps in the movies.

And with our competitively priced on-site cosmetic surgery, we can turn that Frankenstein you see in the mirror every morning, into a Franken Fine!

Of course you'll still be yourself in a legal sense, but think of it as a thinner, more attractive you than you could ever become without us.

Spare Me, I won that tournament! Fuckin' Chuck Norris!.

Your 'gym' is a skid-mark on the underpants of society.

I wouldn't sell you your gym back for all of King Midas' silver.

Here at Globo Gym, we're better than you.

and yes, a large inheritance from my father, Earl Goodman.

I earned this body, and I built this temple with nothing more than some elbow grease and a little can-do attitude.

My gym has shareholders, yours haven't even got.

Nobody makes me bleed my own blood! Nobody!.

It's called the Freedom of Information Act for a reason.

Unless of course you're into that sort of thing, in which case I got some shackles in the back.

Let's not find ourselves shackled by the bonds of employer-employee relations.

Yeah, that's me taking the bull by the horns, it's how I like to run my business.

Good luck losing with these losers in Las Vegas, La Fleur!.

Here at Globo Gym we understand that ugliness and fatness are genetic disorders, like baldness or necrophilia, and it's your fault if you don't hate yourself enough to do something about it.

That's me, six years and six-hundred pounds ago.

Cram it up your cram hole, LaFleur! Prepare to be humiliated on cable television.

So come on down and learn a great game the way it's supposed to be played. Don't forget, youth dodgeball classes are forming right now. But if you feel like losing a few pounds, getting healthier and making some great friends in the process, then Joe's is the place for you. And I'm here to tell you, you're perfect just the way you are.

Hi, I'm Peter LaFleur, owner and operator of Average Joe's Gym.

Lance Armstong: So what are you dying from that's keeping you from the finals? Peter LaFleur: Right now it feels a little bit like.

I didn't think Nazi camp got out until eight.

I'd love to, but I don't think they make a 'sorry your dodgeball coach just got crushed by two tons of irony' Hallmark card.

And I've gotta tell you, it feels phenomenal.

But if you don't have one, then you are never disappointed. I found that if you have a goal, you might not reach it.It's time to put your mouth where our balls are.

Touche dodgeball